When I was addicted to smutty HP fanfic, I realized a lot of things about men, women and porn.

Women consume porn just as voraciously as men, but when I queried my male friends about porn, they all seemed to have the same habits, all visual. “I like pregnant women.” “Ghetto asses.” “A sex act best described by the chorus of a saucily named Beatles song.” You know the one. Use your imagination.

But female porn, mainly erotica, seems to be so different because the provocative part is in emotion. Women aren’t getting off on pics of a guy getting off in someone’s hair, it’s more like on a woman vacillating at a very handsome, troubled half-werewolf that turns our cranks.

Which is why the iPhone kindle app is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can get limitless girl porn, and some of it’s free. Waiting too long for the new Sookie Stackhouse novel to hit my iPhone, I discovered the emoporntastic Night Huntress series by Jeaniene Frost. I plowed through the four of them like a blood-starved half-vampire, and now I’m hunting again. If only it were as easy as “milk milf tits site:rapidshare.com” for us. Women get the short end of the stick here!

How can two things I love combine to create something so horrifying? Via Hack a Day comes this terrifying device that won’t be going anywhere near my Magic Powdered lady garden. Ouch!

[ani niow] built this steam powered vibrator. it has a milled stainless steel shell with a brass motor structure. the motor is a tesla turbine made from a stack of dremel diamond cutoff wheels. this drives an off-center weight to create the vibration. she tested it using a pressure cooker as the steam source. it worked, but became so hot it had to be held using welding gloves. it works just as well with compressed air though.

Hey, I’m gonna say right off the bat, I don’t like schools. I don’t like em, and I don’t trust em. My kids were happily enrolled in the Teddy McArdle Free School for a year and I can honestly say that it was the only year in all of their schooling they learned anything. They were excited to go to school. Mornings weren’t a struggle. They never played sick. They were excited to learn. The staff was there SOLELY BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO BE and didn’t just want summers off.

Now, not only do I have to fight the kids to get them to school, I have to fight the school for info. Kids lose stuff easily and schools get mad at parents for this inconvenient factoid. It’s a general household stressor and I really, really disagree with public schooling in general.

>steps off soapbox<

However, as we are bound by state law to utilize them, why the hell aren’t they publishing school calendars online? I urge all of my five readers to go sign up RIGHT NOW like in the Sleep Number bed commercials to get their school into the twenty-first century. And never be surprised by another field day ever again.