Hey, I’m gonna say right off the bat, I don’t like schools. I don’t like em, and I don’t trust em. My kids were happily enrolled in the Teddy McArdle Free School for a year and I can honestly say that it was the only year in all of their schooling they learned anything. They were excited to go to school. Mornings weren’t a struggle. They never played sick. They were excited to learn. The staff was there SOLELY BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO BE and didn’t just want summers off.

Now, not only do I have to fight the kids to get them to school, I have to fight the school for info. Kids lose stuff easily and schools get mad at parents for this inconvenient factoid. It’s a general household stressor and I really, really disagree with public schooling in general.

>steps off soapbox<

However, as we are bound by state law to utilize them, why the hell aren’t they publishing school calendars online? I urge all of my five readers to go sign up RIGHT NOW like in the Sleep Number bed commercials to get their school into the twenty-first century. And never be surprised by another field day ever again.

It makes me really happy and jealous. And driving drunk is dumb, but so is getting in strangers’ cars, chicas.

And sometimes cab drivers let you smoke.

Too long to explain, but effing hilarious.

Last week when I checked my mailbox, I found that my new neighbour had left me a note stating that he was having a party and to let him know if the noise was too loud.

The problem I have with the note is not that he was having a party and didn’t invite me, it was that he selected a vibrant background of balloons, effectively stating that his party was going to be vibrant and possibly have balloons and that I couldn’t come.

Read on.

Normally, I like to mix it up a bit, but I was very impressed by the indie gooda on offer at Supermarket.

First up- an understated leather wallet that says BAMF without saying it.

Smoking accessories are few and far between, and this cigarette holder confirms the badass status to which you are entitled as a smoker.

Sappy but cool- interlocking promise/wedding/love you rings.

Gotcha! Wedding rings.

Pretty, pretty cleaver necklace.

I’m sorry, what now?

You were saying?

Luckily, it was only for the duration. Unluckily, I got something in both of my eyes while watching it. It may have even appeared that I was tearing up. And I don’t even like Regina Spektor.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-awVQkTeVE]

Something about nerds being all revved up is kinda hot. This pinup calendar is for the fanboy in your life. (Or fangirl, if she swings that way.) With regular and *geeky* holidays. Can we get one with nerdy boys, please?

So, I moved to Newark.  It’s weird.  I actually seriously dig it here.  I loved and will always love Brooklyn, but Newark is like what I imagine Brooklyn used to be like.  Everything here seems so undiscovered and ignored and just waiting for a bunch of crazy kids to move in and repurpose it in some kind of DIY revolution.  My house is like that.

So I was excited to see this article linked and discussed everywhere this week.  Apparently Newark is turning around.  That would almost be too bad.  Newark’s got so much grit to it but it’s open and …clean in a way Brooklyn isn’t.  I’m 10 minutes from the Holland and 10 minutes from a Target and Wal-Mart in Union.  If Whitey McHipster came over from Brooklyn and priced my ass out I’d be so upset.  All the good ethnic places would be replaced with Tempo Prestos.  And I’d have to listen to douchey  conversations on the Path train.

Hipsters, stay back!

Oh, my God, this is the best BK shout out ever- hello, Brooklyn…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw-QdrcIa3U]