Too long to explain, but effing hilarious.

Last week when I checked my mailbox, I found that my new neighbour had left me a note stating that he was having a party and to let him know if the noise was too loud.

The problem I have with the note is not that he was having a party and didn’t invite me, it was that he selected a vibrant background of balloons, effectively stating that his party was going to be vibrant and possibly have balloons and that I couldn’t come.

Read on.

So, I moved to Newark.  It’s weird.  I actually seriously dig it here.  I loved and will always love Brooklyn, but Newark is like what I imagine Brooklyn used to be like.  Everything here seems so undiscovered and ignored and just waiting for a bunch of crazy kids to move in and repurpose it in some kind of DIY revolution.  My house is like that.

So I was excited to see this article linked and discussed everywhere this week.  Apparently Newark is turning around.  That would almost be too bad.  Newark’s got so much grit to it but it’s open and …clean in a way Brooklyn isn’t.  I’m 10 minutes from the Holland and 10 minutes from a Target and Wal-Mart in Union.  If Whitey McHipster came over from Brooklyn and priced my ass out I’d be so upset.  All the good ethnic places would be replaced with Tempo Prestos.  And I’d have to listen to douchey  conversations on the Path train.

Hipsters, stay back!

It only took me like a week and a half to find a new job!  And it’s at a way more established company!  But I’ve been a little tired lately, so I’ve been quiet.

The Trader Joe’s Pound Plus chocolate bar* is such a godsend to the stress eater.  Kind of like a large, flat, tasty brick, this inexpensive but indulgent treat is a good tool for bouts of wallowing in sadness or fear.  My boyfriend broke it up into pieces because me biting into a bar of chocolate roughly the size of my head was unnerving.  Eh, I find it comforting.  Maybe he was afraid it would suffocate him when he was sleeping.  Not that farfetched, since I did cuddle with it every night.

From Urban Dictionary:

An idea that’s way overdue- someone’s gone and made a walking tour vice-map of Lower Manhattan!  Now I know what to do on my next summer vacation!  (Via Thrilllist.)

Not my blog, this funny blog about working at Wal-Mart.  I can’t help it- I do go to Wal-Mart when the opportunity presents itself, and it is an evil, scary place.  The stories on the above link are hilarious and fascinating, and somehow exactly what you’d imagine working at a Wal-Mart returns desk would be like.

Via Jezebel- what the hell happened to Rose McGowan?

I really wish all the tech blogs would stop the iPhone circle-jerking. It’s like the Paris Hilton of gadget news. What don’t we know about this stupid thing? I work on Prince Street, and this morning people were lined up, from last night, around the block for this stupid overpriced glorified Sidekick. What is going to be so life-changing about this thing that it’s worth sleeping on a pee-soaked sidewalk?

And those stupid commercials- it looks like you just wave a wand and you’re at any damn website via telepathy. I guarantee there’s a whole lot of awkward stylus-pinky action involved somewhere.

Which brings me to my current rumination. We have cameras. We have MP3 players. We have internet devices. Why do we need one expensive thing that does all three poorly? Oooh, a 2MP camera… sweet!

Is that a fucking riot shield? Isn’t this country at war?

more iPhone idiocy:

And the offending commercial:

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=PQLTjiAfdLY]

Luckily, the internets LOLeverything. Find LOLcats alternatives here. LOLCops! LOLHistory! LOLGeeks! One of my faves…

Via my friends on the Snopes boards, this Disney rejection letter is an interesting reminder of still-fairly-recent institutional anti-woman policies.